Breaking: Elon Musk Fires All Nine Of His Children In Mass Purge For Insubordination, Fake Accounts--



Elon Musk Fires All Nine Of His Children In Mass Purge For Insubordination, Fake Accounts--

Rosen News Network- (RNN)  11-4-2022

In a fit of pique, and a desire to "get rid of the dead wood," the Tesla founder, philanthropist, misanthropist, and entrepreneurial Nazi Scientist, today announced mass firings of his nine children, on the grounds of...well, just because he could. It's is being termed "The Night Of The Long Grounding" by Musk followers.

The children in order of birthdates and amount of monthly child support payments to his many exes are as follows-

Griffin

Vivian

Kai

Saxon

Damian

X AE A-XII

Exa Dark Sidrael

Twins, names not public yet. 

In an interview, Musk said that Vivian had to go, since she hates him and legally changed her name so as to not be associated with him. In her case, free speech and expression is clearly banned. Her brother from the same mother Griffin also got his pink slip, since it wouldn't be fair to Vivian to fire her and keep him. 

Kai had his Twitter account suspended when it was discovered he used a fake name, Scott on his registration. He said his reasoning was that "having the stupid fucking name Kai made me a target for bullying since everyone called me "Karate Kid." I'm sick of it all, said the now unemployed Muskovite. 

Saxon also wanted a legal name change, since he looks like someone originating from Finland and is clearly Nordic, and thought his name somewhat inappropriate. "Dad" refused, arguing that when everyone in The United Kingdom, Southwest Germany and Southern France changes their ethnic name he would consider it. 

Damian had a false name as well, and turned up as a "bot" in the purchase agreement which included a list of all of the fake accounts. Said Damian, "Dad said he didn't care if my friends kept trying to perform exorcisms on me and called me a bad "Omen" during recess, that it's my name and to just suck it up." Musk asked, "How in the fuck do you think I became the world's richest man? Being named fucking Elon made me tough," he said. "People called me "Nylons" and asked me if I had runs in my panty hose...deal with that shit why dont'cha'?"

X, and Exa Dark asked their father if they got their names because he wanted them to become mathematicians or to open up a Baskin Robbins store, which was cause for firing right there. Exa said "why didn't you just name me fucking Rocky Road?"  "I love kids, said Musk, but not ones that are mental. I'll just have to make some more." 

Rumors are circulating that the twins are named Romulus and Remus after the famous mythical figures who founded Rome. Except in this case, the Twins are being raised by a horse's ass, not wolves in the wild. We are still waiting for confirmation on that one. When asked why they were fired when they can't even speak yet, Musk replied, "Its just business, can't have loose ends. They'll grow up and become my competitors." 

When messaged on Twitter and asked about the firings, Musk stated emphatically that his "absolutist" comittment to free speech has limits, including the whining complaints of his now ex-children who never listen to him and expect him to pay for college. He also said their accounts could be restored, but they'll need to cough up $20 a month like everyone else. Even the newborns. 


For those who are following this story and waiting for updates, don't bother staying tuned here. I'm done with it. Signing off.

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