Preliminary List Of Documents Ripped Up And Flushed By Trump, Provided Exclusively To The Rosen Report.



Preliminary List Of Documents Ripped Up And Flushed By Trump, Provided Exclusively To The Rosen Report. 

(This report is unsourced by any credible or verified set of facts, though the author swears by his reporting, based on strong visceral feelings and general knowledge of the situation) 

1. Actual Trump medical records compiled by then White House Doctor Ronny Jackson, who Trump said "loved looking at my strong body," and proclaimed him the healthiest President in history. Documented is morbid obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, early onset dementia, and thumb cancer from excessive tweeting. 

2. Melania's second reworked pre-nup, agreed to after release of famous "Access Hollywood" tape where he bragged about "grabbing them by the Pu**y." Divorce and settlement kick in automatically at any future point where Trump physically touches her in private. She gets the golf courses. 

3. Transcripts of Trump phone calls with Kanye West, urging him to run for President to divide Democratic vote, asking advice about Afghanistan pullout, ('Ye said he never pulled out once in his life, "that messes with my manhood"). Trump also asked if Kim's ass was really as amazing IRL as it is on TV. 

4. Phone records of Trump's repeated phone calls to Chinese Embassy attempting to order takeout. Their refusal to take his order almost sinks summit meeting with President Xi. 

5. Transcripts of illegal wiretaps on Lindsay Graham's phone, obtained days before Graham phone call to Raffensberger in Georgia demanding a recount. Texts written in Cyrillic referring to anonymous "Lady G" still awaiting translation. 

6. Notes from meeting with Falwell Jr. and his Mrs. at White House Prayer Breakfast. "Hey Jerry, watcha' praying for over there, to find yourselves a new f**cking pool boy, haha!" 

7. Phone records of Trump call to the Queen, offers to "make Andrew's US legal problems go away" in exchange for Kate's bikini vacation pics. Queen hangs up, orders Bank of England to sell off dollar investments, buy Euros. 

8. Trump flushes son Don Junior's "little black book" with all of his dealers names and phone numbers. Junior seen next day on field before Nationals game during batting practice trying to snort the rightfield foul line. 

9. Trump orders his burner phones shipped to Lawrence Livermore Labs to be thrown into their Supercollider, after Alex Jones lawyer accidentally emails him his porn playlist.  The title is "IncelRection, Make Mike Pence Well Hung." 

10. Trump shreds, burns, then flushes all of his Tom Brady memoribilia when Brady sends back all of Trump's love letters unopened.

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