Rosen Third Party Formed-- WGAF?
Announcement-- Rosen Report Forming Third Party Consisting Of Moderately Apathetic Unregistered Apolitical Non-Participants.
July 28, 2022
Citing the descent of American politics into the highest levels of voter participation and engagement in modern history, blogger and retired Karaoke enthusiast Lance Rosen today announced the formation of a new third party for the indifferent center, to counteract the extreme activism of the two established parties. The party will be called "Adrift," as it has neither a Forward or Backward direction, rather is sort of motionless like a skiff floating aimlessly in shallow currents.
When asked about the policies of his new party, Rosen emphasized that Americans are just exhausted, and all of this endless policy debate is really "just kind of bumming us all out."
He added "we don't intend to run candidates now or ever, because that opens the door to engagement and stressful debates over issues, which in turn can be a real buzzkill." When questioned about why Americans might align with his party at all, Rosen elaborated; "we need a party which tells the American people the truth, because they are tired of being lied to. Adrift stands for the idea that we just don't care, about the voters, politics, the future, or what goes on in Washington. We, like most people just want to stay home and chill, work on a little Reiki and watch something to relax, like Squid Games", said Rosen.
Rosen also dropped the surprise announcement revealing that his partners in founding "Adrift" will be his comrades in total apathy, Melania Trump and son Barron, both of whom have renounced any interest in party politics or anything involving Donald Trump. Rosen said that the decision to bring the Trumps in was a slam dunk. "Did you see her coat a few years ago? That was it for me, I was inspired by it and everything I'm doing is modeled on that. She speaks for me and the majority of Americans who just want to make it all go away."
We will probably have nothing further on this breaking story, because we really couldn't care less about it. Don't bother to stay tuned, bye--