Joe Biden's Latest Phone Conversation With Vladimir Putin-



 Joe Biden's Latest Phone Conversation With Vladimir Putin-

Joe: Hey Tony, it's me...can you get Vlad on the phone, I need to touch base with him. Shouldn't be tough to pin down, he's in quarantine.

Blinken: Sure thing, hold for a minute... ok, I got him on line 2, you want me to stay on?

Joe: No thanks, just the translator.... 

Vlad: Yes Joeski, I here, how you sitting on it today? 

Joe: What?

Vlad: Sorry, still get messed up on American idioms. What you down with now? Better?

Joe: Well, I'm not down with covid at least. Hearing you might be. 

Vlad: No, I fine, no issue. Stupid fucking anti-mask Sous Chef blow snot in Bouillabaisse, he cooking for Navalny now.

Joe: Oh. Well anyway, just figured I would touch base. Did you get that copy of the Woodward book I sent you for one of your Wedding Anniversaries? We sent you a card.

Vlad: Very funny, you still funny guy. Yes, got it last week but not read it. I know everything in it from "Big Baby" who call me with his Depends all twisted in knot, wants me now to "whack" Woodward. I tell him no can do, Woodward not drink Tea. 

Joe: Christ, he never stops, your guy, does he? 

Vlad: No, he figure I still owe him, but I took care of covering his debt, don't know what he want from me anymore. Your problem now. So why you call, I busy, got my junk hanging out. 

Joe: Huh? 

Vlad: Sorry again, I got my things in the fire burning?

Joe: Look Vlad, my translator is having an anxiety attack, could you just fucking speak Russian instead of trying to talk like Eminem, please? 

Vlad: How I going to learn if not practice?

Joe: Vlad! Please stop. Look, I called because I just want to let you know that I know that Larry Elder is one of yours. Ok? It's over. Your stunt for organizing "Calexit" is a bust. Done. Finito.

Vlad: What you mean Joe, "my stunt"? I got no idea about him. 

Joe: Now now Vlad, no games. I know my Russian history, you guys used to own a chunk of real estate in California and have wanted it back forever, just like Alaska...

Vlad: But...

Joe: No but, listen. We know that the so-called California Independence Movement is run by your people, like Ionov. We know they have offices in Moscow and fly the California Flag next to the Russian Flag, and operate with your protection...

Vlad: Is only rumor...

Joe: ...and we know you recruited Elder years ago and have Kompromat on him. Those photos you got of him at a Klan Rally wearing a Hood and White prosthetic gloves didn't fool our forensics people at all. 

Vlad: Flimsy evidence, nobody believe...

Joe: I have to say Vlad, it was a pretty slick move bringing that asset out now. An African American "White Nationalist" to lead the eighth largest economy in the world, our biggest Democratic State to secede from the Union and create a New Confederacy, that was a smooth move. But, it flopped Vlad, you know why?

Vlad: No, you tell me.

Joe: We caught him at a campaign event eating Borscht Vlad. Fucking Borscht. With Sour Cream.  Nobody from here eats Borscht, not even Jared Kushner and Alan Dershowitz eat it. That was our tipoff. And our Intelligence people took it from there. Game. Over. 

Vlad: (deep sigh...) Oh well, good job Joe. I was afraid you'd catch it. I keep telling Carlson and Matt Gaetz is not true you senile, you still have me under the Balls. 

Joe: Say what?

Vlad: Wait second....(sound of pages turning) Oh sorry, meant you still have a lot on the ball. 

Joe: Ok, I guess. So what is gonna be Vlad? I'm getting a little tired of this shit. Do I have to do even MORE sanctions or are you gonna be good and behave? 

Vlad: Ok ok. Sheesh, you losing sense of humor Joe, calm down. I make it up to you, what you want? 

Joe: Now you are talking. Let's talk about 2024....

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